A Dream is a Wish Your TV Makes

[Oh, boy. One thing is for sure: if my blog were a baby, I'd be in jail for neglect! Sorry I've been away so long, y'all. But I'm back and I have TONS of stuff to post, so stay tuned!]

There are only three things that I've desired from television in recent years and until now, the gods of broadcast have seemed deaf to my wishes. Totally uncooperative in the area of my personal interest-- HOT MEN! But now it appears my luck may be changing...

The first thing I've desired to see on my TV screen, for several years, is a return of GEORGE CLOONEY. I can only watch old episodes of ER and Roseanne so many times before I bang my head against the wall. I might even watch the later eps of Facts of Life, if it were on DVD. (And if it were only the Clooney season.) Sadly, it doesn't look like he'll be returning to the boob tube any time soon, and how can you blame him? He's moved onto an incredibly successful film career. But his movies are few and far between. I propose he have his own television series, preferably a drama so we can see him for a whole hour, rather than the half-hour sitcoms are allowed. He can shoot movies while the TV series is in the off-season! C'mon, George. How much more money and success do you really need, doing the movies and saving the world? How about saving my bored EYES!?

On a related topic, I fear that a non-TV wish of mine may have actually come true. You see, I've been secretly wishing that Clooney's new stupid whore of a girlfriend, Sara Lawson, would have a devastating accident that left her disfigured, or maybe just a vegetable. But apparently my voodoo wishing went awry, when Clooney crashed his motorcycle, breaking his own rib, and the stupid whore's foot. Oops, my bad!

Now, the second TV wish I've had recently, is for my beloved JOSH HENDERSON to return to Wisteria Lane. As Austin McCann, Josh left Desperate Housewives last season after breaking Julie Mayer's heart, and impregnating the skank-nasty Danielle Van De Kamp. Now Danielle's mother is pretending to be having the baby, but you and I both know that she can't pull it off for very long in that neighborhood. Okay, for those of you who are saying, "Josh Henderson? Didn't he date pre-prison Paris Hilton? Eew!" Yes, and Ashlee Simpson before her, and now some girl from The Hills. Guess what, people-- I don't CARE! Look how hot the boy is! I just want to drool over him from my own living room, at a safe distance where he will never find out and I will never contract whatever STDs he has. Is that too much to ask? Well, I think I may be in luck, because I have a sneaking suspicion that Austin McCann will have to return to Wisteria Lane to face his lost love, his baby-mama, and his baby-mama's mama. Hopefully there will be some hints in the season premiere tonight. I'll keep you posted...

And my third wish, which is more for American media in general, is more JONNY LEE MILLER! OMG, I've had the hots for this guy since 1996! Unfortunately, he's a Brit, so I've been relegated to seeing him only in sparse supporting roles in not-so-great American films. But do you remember him as Sick Boy in Trainspotting? Hottest bleach-blond pimping heroin addict with a Scottish accent that I've ever seen. Well, it looks like ABC (the same network that introduced me to Josh Henderson) will be granting my wish with a mid-season dramedy called Eli Stone. (http://www.tv.com/eli-stone/show/68652/summary.html) The lead role will be played by none other than the sexy ex-husband of Angelina Jolie, JLM! And, if it could possibly get any better, the pilot and two additional eps will star my second-favorite George, GEORGE MICHAEL!!! Can you believe this? Even if the show sucks, at least I'll be occupied until the next season of Lost, which doesn't start until 2008. Thank you, ABC! Thank you!