Zen and the Art of Road Rage Maintenance

For those of you who don't know, I got myself a new car recently. Not just a used, but "new to me" car, a BRAND NEW car! I didn't think I'd be able to afford a brand new car until middle age, but with months of extensive research and the car-buying wisdom of my uncle Duane, I am now the proud owner of a little black Hyundai.

Since I now have this spotlessly clean and shiny machine that is costing me a large chunk o' change, I figure I should be a little more careful on the road. I never thought of myself as a person with "road rage." I may curse frequently, and use the horn occasionally, but I'm not one of those people whose blood pressure skyrockets at the first sign of traffic congestion. I don't drive the same way on the road as I do when I'm playing video games, but a frightening number of people do! Still, I realized the moment I drove my new auto through town that I could stand to be a little more cautious. When I was driving the purple monster, nicknamed "MyGalant," I think I was secretly hoping someone would run into me, just so I could get the hunk o' junk off my hands. But now I am like a new mom, and I have to watch out for my little baby.

Last weekend, in a moment of hilarious irony, I was cruising along with a friend in the passenger seat and found myself going from cool, calm, and collected to crass, cranky, and combative in less than two seconds! Just as I was describing how quiet and peaceful I was feeling that day, the car adjacent to me attempted to speed up and cut me off, then slowed down to wait their turn, and then sped up again and I heard my self exclaim, "Make up your mind, you mother f_____!" Wow. That was all it took for me to go from serene to obscene?!

I thought it might help to keep something in my car to remind me to stay cool and not let the everyday perils of driving ruffle my feathers. Now, who or what embodies the principles of discipline, meditation, and harmony with nature...? YODA! I needed Yoda to be my co-pilot. So I found a handsome photo of the little guy online, printed him out on some shrinkable plastic that is designed for ink jet printers, shrunk the little bugger in the oven, and tied him to my rear view mirror with some glamorous silver ribbon. Now he is my tiny wing man, reminding me at every turn to use the force in maintaining a smooth and even driving attitude. Is it working? I think so. Every time I start to mutter an expletive to the guy in front of me who is taking FOR-EVER to notice the light has turned green, I hear this gruff little giggle, "Uh HEE hee hee hee hee" and I feel my brow un-wrinkling, my shoulders un-hunching, and the color returning to my knuckles as they un-clench from the steering wheel. :)